


Blue

by Eustacia Vye (eustaciavye)



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-13
Updated: 2007-03-13
Packaged: 2017-10-06 22:58:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustaciavye/pseuds/Eustacia%20Vye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You tell me how it happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vivier](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Vivier).



Her head hurt. Her tongue felt thick in her mouth, and it was as if she tried to swallow cotton balls from one of Simon's jars. Her head hurt and she didn't feel right, not like before. Something was wrong, not parsing well, comprehension lacking somewhat.

Blue eyes. Fierce, crinkly blue eyes, no blue hands. Not soft when looking at her, no love or concern. Those eyes were closed now and would never open again. The hard eyes saw to that. They took it all away, all clarity and semblance of sanity.

She would descend again.

This was not her doing, not anyone's doing. It happened while her back was turned, while she stopped looking and thinking. Acceptance bred contempt and complacency. She forgot her training, reflexes built into her hands. She forgot that she was weapon as well as girl, forgot what her hands could do. She could wreak havoc, fire at will, down for the count. It had slipped away, covered over with dust and hopes that she would never need that kind of knowledge again. It had to stop being her turn. Stop.

She was thirsty, but there was no water. There was silence now.

He turned on her with hard blue eyes and a sneer. He had a knife and didn't think she could move anymore.

_You tell me how it happened._

He said she snapped apart at the seams, blood was all over her, ghosts clung to her bones. He had hard blue eyes and a knife in hand. There was nothing else she could do. She was trained for this.

Her tongue was thick, coming between her sharp little teeth, vicious fangs. "Riv-ur," she said, trying to say her name. She couldn't form the word, couldn't make her lips shape it.

_I'll take you down if I have to,_ the hard blue eyes said. _You're going in. Don't make this harder than it has to be._

Her soft, loving blue eyes were gone. Her brother brown and sister brown were gone. Perfume spilled red, shadow fell. Grief was spent. The ghosts dissipated.

She was all alone, and her head hurt.

The blood on the back of her hand was tacky, half-dried. She was haunted by those hard blue eyes staring at her, the lips twisting into a sneer. They challenged her, hated her, fought her. Hands around her throat, needles in her arm. Spine in danger, under attack. He wanted her marrow, but he couldn't have it. She would go down fighting, and it surprised him that she could.

_Don't you know me?_ those hard eyes asked.

He would sell her back, barter for slaves, muck her mind with prototypicals and make her a monkey under wire. He would harm them all, she had to save them all.

Where was her Jayne? Where were they all?

Hiding. Why were they hiding?

_You tell me how it happened._

No. Nothing happened, but a stranger in a strange skin wanted to sell her away, forever and ever and a day. It was her turn again, but it wasn't supposed to be.

Her tongue loosened. "River." No reply.

Cold steel beneath her hands, cargo bay decking, stop in motion. Cold. Atmosphere leak?

Her eyes rolled over, no thoughts but her own, all others finally quiet. But Jayne-thoughts were missing, and she missed them so.

_Girl, it's me!_

But it was a trick, cold blue to take her back, to restart the Program. They'd take it all away from her, strip her bare, covet what they could not keep. They didn't know, couldn't know. Pain was nothing and everything, lucidity a shallow cost. Her head still hurt, but that would ease in time. It all would. She didn't feel right, but it would get better. The hard eyes would not come back, wouldn't take her away. She was strapped down in a machine, no needles or pins, no mask or hideous thoughts to wear. She had to shed the blue dress, the sudden skin all done in red paint. She would fix it all, clear off the red paint and begin again.

She looked at her hands with clear eyes. Smears of red splotched up her arms.

_You tell me how it happened._

She didn't know, and no one could tell her. She didn't know how it happened, she never did. She was here, she would always be here, the River in the boat, treading fragile water. Her skin could split, yawn wide, utter cries in the night to make her ache. River was alone now, but the blue would never take her.

She didn't understand, she didn't comprehend. But she was safe here, as safe as she could be.

She ignored the glassy eyes that followed her out.

 

The End.


End file.
